Blog

by Shelley Kerr

"Creativity is contagious, pass it on."

Albert Einstein

The rising warrior: this was one of those times that art and life collided. The result? A creative expression of both.

Now 6 years into the battle with cancer, 4 of which were at Stage 4 with multiple surgeries, immunotherapies, chemo and radiation. It has been a battle. 

But something unique happened around the radiation sessions I received. Prior to that, through all the other therapies and surgeries I went through, my attitude was one of pragmatics. Certainly (CERTAINLY) I had my emotional reactions, but soon after that...it was pragmatics. Doing what needed to be done with the best option selected.

In the spring of 2018, I had a cancerous lymph node show up in my neck. Does cancer have a brain and just want to torture me? This lymph node/tumor was right at the base of my neck above the left collar bone. I could touch it and feel it. It was hard to swallow and my neck ached. Every time I touched it…it was the message of cancer…cancer…cancer. I was PISSED OFF. A Pyscho-in-the-shower-kind-of-pissed-off.

Enter…radiation therapy. Radiation sends millions (maybe zillions) of photons into the tumor and the surrounding area. These photons cause damage to the cancer cells and cause a natural inflammatory response in your body. This alerts the immune system…those warrior T-cells. While under the radiation machine called a linear accelerator (sounds like sword to me), I would visualize the photons hitting my cancer cells and causing damage. This is when I shifted from the doing-the-right-pragmatic-thing to full-on warrior. My anger was as focused as the photons. Kill.

Now back to the art part; I was contemplating the Nebra Sky Disk as a central object in a series of artworks, but I didn’t know what it looked like yet. I remembered that when the Nebra Sky Disk was discovered in Germany in 1999, there were other archeological artifacts found in the same location. Swords, daggers, chisels and bracelets. This discovery came to be known as the Nebra Hoard.

Nebra Hoard: Dated 1600 BC

Nebra, Saxony-Anhalt, Germany

Then my art and life collided with…the sword. The photons and the Nebra Sword came together. I was now in warrior-mode. Remember Uma Thurman and the movie, Kill Bill? A chick with a big sword and fearlessly brave and…mad. In this state of mind, I named my tumor “Bill”. I introduced “Bill” to my doctors, nurses, radiation techs and anyone who cared to know. “I’d like to introduce you to Bill. This is Bill. We are going to KILL BILL.”  Everybody got it.

Uma Thurman in the movie "Kill Bill"

In another type of therapy which involved sharp things—acupuncture—I continued my creative process with the sword. During one of those quiet times in acupuncture, I visualized the sword and the Nebra disk together. I imagined the second piece of the Nebra Sky Disk series. Now, I just had to execute.

Art enables us to find ourselves and lose ourselves at the same time.

Thomas Merton

In the fight with cancer, I now consider myself a matured warrior. I have strong feelings and passions about life, art, love and relationships, but emotions do not rule my state of being. The matured warrior knows what needs to be done, picks the right weapon for the battle at hand and is strategic in the use, timing and efficiency of that weapon. That’s me.

Special Note: at my final radiation session, the radiation techs downloaded and printed off a picture of Uma and her sword and taped it to the linear accelerator as a surprise to me. When I laid down for the treatment and saw this picture, I cried like a baby. A warrior baby?

Maybe my battle metaphor will change someday, but for now…it is a battle with weapons welded by me and the other warriors around me.